Couples Therapy

My background

For many years, I have worked with separated families, both as a divorce lawyer and a mediator, and I still do that.  That work lead to my interest in what causes couples to separate.  When I qualified as a family psychotherapist, I found I was often being asked to work with couples who wanted to stay together, rather than to separate.  They wanted help to resolve their difficulties or differences.

Stylised illustration of a potted succulent plant.

My training

As a family therapist, I have long worked with families and couples systemically.  However, when I found I was increasingly being asked to do more therapeutic work with couples, I decided to undertake further training, specifically in couples therapy.  As you may know, there are various theoretical approaches to couples therapy – and many of the training institutions have websites where you can access information directly.

The two main approaches in which I have trained are:

  • The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy at The Couples Institute in California with Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson:  www.couplesinstitute.com.   I continue to study with them online; and
  • Emotionally Focussed Couple Therapy at the EFT International School in London (some of you may know Sue Johnson’s work in EFT ):  www.eftinternationalschoollondon.com.

Couples Institute Developmental Model

My approach

I know some couples like to know a bit about how I work to decide if I will be the right fit for them.

I tend to use a mix of the two approaches I mentioned above – the Developmental Model and EFT.  Both of these approaches draw on attachment theory and fit well with my family therapy approach which is systemic and tends to be solution-focussed.

In general terms, I have noticed that couples usually come to therapy for one of three reasons:

  1. they want help to change something in their relationship (for example, to improve communication or to re-connect as a couple); or
  2. they want to end the relationship, and want help to do that well (for themselves and/or their children); or
  3. they want help in making a significant decision in their relationship (for example, whether to have a child or not, whether to separate or not).
Stylised illustration of a plant with pink berries.

Before we begin, you may find it useful to think a little about your goals for couples therapy – these can be joint goals and/or individual goals.  It might be helpful to think about some of the following:

  • What type of relationship do you want to create?
  • How do you want to be as a partner?  Are you being the partner you aspire to be?
  • What do you want to learn about yourself and/or about your relationship
  • What do you want to stop doing?
  • What do you want to start doing instead?
  • How do you support your partner?

Our meetings, and what couples therapy will cost

We can meet in person or online, as you prefer.  The cost is £80 per hour.  Sometimes it is useful for the first couple of sessions to be 90 minutes, otherwise sessions tend to be an hour.  I usually suggest we meet fortnightly to begin but we will decide together how often to meet, and for how many sessions.

If you want to have an initial phone conversation to see if couples therapy would be helpful and/or to find out a little more about how we might work together, please get in touch.